I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize