just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
