I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
