ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
