Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
