i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
