we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
