So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
