He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
