life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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