the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
