Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
