i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
