Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
