Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize