So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize