there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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