Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just tell him i said nine months
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
