This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
