i think my tv is drunk
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
