Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
