official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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