Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
