Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
