I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
