Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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