Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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