so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Drunk is not a location!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
