She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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