guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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