hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
