your parents love me but you hate me
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
okay pat passed out under dana's car
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
