Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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