i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize