I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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