Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
