It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
