so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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