someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
