My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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