the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
