He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
