saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize