remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
