Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
