i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
