His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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