I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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