Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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