mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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