I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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