The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
