So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
