apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
