the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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