I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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