Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
