too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
