Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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