Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
