I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
