What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
