Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize