the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
