so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
