what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
