So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
