Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
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