Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
