Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
