Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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