TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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