I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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