her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
