tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
