I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
