smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
