he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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