he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
