He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
