I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Someone shit on the floor
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sorry about my life...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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