Your tits are I can't wait for
I skipped work to stalk him.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Randomize
