we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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