I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize