Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Randomize
