I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize