You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
