so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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