You smell like a Billy Joel song
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
