Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I need to align my fucking chakras
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize