I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
