btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
